you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
