dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
