Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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