My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
