So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
