she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize