I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
