Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she peed on how many people?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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