Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
