your room smells of hookers.
And success
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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