Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
