i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Banned from zoo.
Again?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
