too bad you live with your parents still
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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