Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
