Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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