I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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