My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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