direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
