I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
