one might say we're banned from that church
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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