Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
