nut hugger
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
