So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
