I think I am morally bankrupt
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
