I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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