Michael Bay diarrhea
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
