Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
