My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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