she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
