This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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