I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
