Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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