as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think i got beer on your cat.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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