sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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