He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
