i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
