How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize