im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
