She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
