Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
