Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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