I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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