I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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