brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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