I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
