Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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