she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
