there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
