yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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