My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
