I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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