A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize