I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If that was your dad, he is hot
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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