Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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