ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
