it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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