Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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