Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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