i already hear my dad disowning me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
