you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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