I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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