we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
