have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
