I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize